Read it and weep

3 May

Before I start, let’s get one thing out of the way. Please. Go no further. No, really. Go to the ‘about my crap’ link and read it. Well, skip most of the crap if you want (it, like most of what I write will be fairly useless) and look at the last paragraph. I’m sorry. Really, in advance, I apologize. Not like you need to ‘hide yo wife, hide yo kids’ from what I’m going to say, but I am conscious of the fact that ladies who cuss can be tacky and unattractive (I know from experience). However, cussing is too fun to completely ignore and let’s face it, totally necessary to tell any good story. That’s my first disclaimer.

The next step before kicking this off: Let me remind you, this blog is YOUR fault. I tried to resist. I tried. I really tried. As much as I would love to sit around with hipster glasses and a cup of coffee and write all day, I’m so paranoid of being a douche bag that I can’t. Or, at least shouldn’t. But…..YOU….you kept saying I should, and then I got all cocky and thought ‘what the hell’? If you choose to follow this and then find yourself regretting it, don’t blame me. Blame my mother, bless her heart, and the face in the mirror. It was all fun and games when you could block my Facebook nonsense. Now look what you’ve unleashed? And one other thing that you might not have considered, I tend to slip into a Rain Man like state when writing, so anyone who would like to fill in the lapses in my daughter’s personal hygiene care, feel free. Is that her crying now? Shit.

So, I guess it’s blog time. Let’s see what happens. My prediction? A story or two about me making a complete ass of myself, tales of the weirdos that find me, musings about my husband that I’ll later have to apologize for sharing with the world and observations about shit you’ve already thought about. Here goes.

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9 Responses to “Read it and weep”

  1. Jes May 3, 2013 at 3:52 am #

    I adore you, thank you for starting this!

  2. Amy May 3, 2013 at 4:04 am #

    Ahhhh it’s about freaking time!! Congrats and I can’t wait to laugh my ass off!!!

  3. Jill May 3, 2013 at 4:54 am #

    Ive always loved your stories and creativity! I still have a time capsule you gave me as a present for my 19th bday that I have yet to open. Heres to you! Miss you!

    • Mrs. Savage May 3, 2013 at 5:10 am #

      I gave you a time capsule for your birthday? What a cheap asshole I am! Why don’t I remember that? Oh……I think I have an idea.

  4. Jackie May 3, 2013 at 4:54 am #

    Oh, this is gonna be fun. Crap is one of my favorite things and reading about someone else’ is gonna be the best. You go girl!!!! Need help with that baby and I’m down with it. ❤

  5. Roz May 3, 2013 at 12:14 pm #

    Thank you Kalie. Now I am going to have to wash & dry my hair in a hurry so I get to work on time. On a side note, when my Dad moved into Five Rivers, he called me at 07:30 in the morning to tell me that I needed to bring him his laxative that he thought my Mom hijacked, because he was straining. TMI.

    • Mrs. Savage May 3, 2013 at 2:29 pm #

      So you clearly understand the title of the blog. It really does all come down to crap. We can ret to avoid but it will catch us in the end! xxoo

  6. Kyrsten Johonson May 3, 2013 at 3:29 pm #

    I heart you, Mrs. Savage!

  7. sharon May 12, 2013 at 4:25 pm #

    this is very entertaining missy

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